You heard it right, folks. The audit is pretty much done. I finished going over the last two months of the period and turned them over to my supervisor today. Now we should be able to get our nice, shiny certificate and move on with life. Honestly, this project has been the most soul-sucking mess I've ever been involved in. It's left me worn out, emotionally, mentally and physically. But now all the issues have been identified. All we have to do now is put it all back together, which should hopefully be easier. But the best thing is that it's over, more or less.

I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo this year. I'm especially excited that there will be a meet-up in my little town! Last time I tried to attend meet-ups they were 40 minutes away. Not fun. Or practical, when you're a working girl. These should be much, much easier. The lady in charge seems to be very organized, so that's good. I can't wait. I've got a lot of ideas so far, going ahead with one of the story ideas I've been kicking around. seeress_of_kell, you know which one. I might start asking for your input again sometime next month. ;P

And now, more book list updates.

Book #30

Title: The Truth About Witchcraft Today
Author: Scott Cunningham
Genre: Non-fiction, Pagan studies
Pages: 185

I originally bought this book for my mom since she is always asking questions about what I believe. Since Scott Cunningham was the first Pagan author I read, I thought his overview should be a good title for her. Just in case though, I decided to read it first. It's a nice book, aimed at non-Pagans. Cunningham explains things in very simple terms and gives a good summary of basic Pagan/Wiccan beliefs. It's not a read for someone looking for something more advanced - which I wasn't. There aren't any spells or rituals, except for a few examples he gives that can be found in Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. But it's a nice little book and very enjoyable for someone with a casual interest in Paganism.

Book #31

Title: Merlin
Author: Stephen R. Lawhead
Genre: Historical fiction, Arthurian legend
Pages: 445

This is the second book in Lawhead's Pendragon series and it was even better than the first! I am so glad that I found this author! This second book follows Merlin through his childhood up until he puts the sword in the stone. As always, Lawhead's writing is impeccable. The story is familiar, especially to me, but Lawhead makes me feel as though I'm learning it again for the first time. I love it when authors do that.

I had two small complaints. One - I thought the ending was a bit too fast. Aurelius and Uther were barely there before they were killed off. I know they're just blips on the radar until we get to Arthur, but still. My other issue is that . . . Merlin was basically a Christian. Which threw me for a loop at first. I'm used to Merlin being a druid, a follower of the Goddess, high priest of Avalon. But this is a small concern really, because even though Merlin talks about praying to "Jesu," his beliefs are still druid-like enough to make me happy. It seems more like a Universalist approach - all Light comes from the same source, no matter what you call it. Which I can hang with. Still a very, very good book. So good that I went out and bought Book 3 today. ;)

Stats:

31 / 50 books. 62% done!

9952 / 15000 pages. 66% done!

281 / 365 days. 77% done!

Life is still crazy, but there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank the gods for that! In other news, I got a new computer - a Dell Inspiron Mini. Still trying to get it set up. I didn't realize just how much crap I had on the old one! My poor Gateway - it just kept freezing up, not to mention lagging like crazy on the Internet. On Monday it took five minutes just to load the Yahoo home page.

And now I realize just how stupid I sound complaining that something took five whole minutes. Man, my generation has gotten demanding!

Anyway, for $350.00 I could get something that I've wanted ever since they came out - a Mini Netbook. It's so cute! It takes some getting used to, particularly since it runs Windows XP instead of Vista - I didn't realize how different the two systems really were. Lots of things are not in the same place as they used to be! But that's okay. It'll work itself out.

Book List Update will not be in my usual format. Let me just say this - The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. Read it. Now. It's awesome.

And just so I can keep track, this is my 29/50 book and I'm at 9400/1500 pages. I'll do the other thingys later.

I'm getting frustrated at work, particularly with the temp who's sharing my office. I don't understand what his deal is, but he won't listen to me at all. He's working on a month that I had started and is he looking at any of my notes? Nope. He asks me questions, I show him where I've already written it down, and he SAYS ITS WRONG. Um, no. It's not wrong. I've been looking at these reports a whole lot longer than he has. I understand that he's an actual accountant, but for an actual accountant, he hasn't made much progress. My notes explain the entire problem, in excellent detail. He just looks at it and says, "No, that's not it." YES IT IS, DAMMIT!!! And if you'd listen to me, you'd know that!!!



I'll get through it. On the upside, I made it back to the gym tonight. First time in almost a month. Yeah, that's bad. But I'm determined to get back there on a regular basis. I started my story for brigits_flame. It's due on the site by Saturday. I'll post it over on aphys_pen as well as an open entry, so anyone can see it. I have no idea how it will turn out - it's completely different from anything I've ever done. But that's the point. Getting me out of my comfort zone and being creative. I'll get some more done on that before I turn in.

No fancy book covers this time because my computer is slow as molasses tonight!

Book #27
Title: Taliesin
Author: Stephen Lawhead
Genre: Historical fantasy (I'm making up a new name)
Pages: 486

( Details & Review )

Book #28
Title: An Acceptable Time
Author: Madeleine L'Engle
Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy
Pages: 367

( Details & Review )

28 / 50 books. 56% done!

9174 / 15000 pages. 61% done!

241 / 365 days. 66% done!

At this rate, I'm really going to have to hustle to get to 50 by the end of the year. I guess that's what depression will do to you. I just stopped reading for a while. Don't really know why. Oh well.

I'm feeling incredibly optimistic this morning. Maybe because it's going to be a short work week. Maybe because I've decided it's time to get off my ass and quit complaining about my lack of enthusiasm, motivation, whatever, that has kept me in this rut.

And so, without further ado, here are my goals:

1. Exercise - three times this week, no excuses. The gym is right there, calling my name. And now that work has calmed down a bit and stopped making me feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck every evening, there's no reason why I can't go. My exercise schedule will be as follows:

Monday (today): gardening and lots of it, since the gym is closed for the Labor Day holiday,

Wednesday & Friday: gym, doing my regular routine, but cutting back a little bit on the weights. I think another part of my problem is that every time I go back to the gym, I expect to be able to go right back to the level I was at the last time. Which is completely unrealistic, of course. The last time I was at the gym, I really hurt myself, which is part of the reason I haven't been back in almost three weeks.

2. Eating - The snacking has gotten out of control, especially the sweet tooth. I have no idea why. I'm going to try as hard as I can to stop snacking between meals, or at least change what I pick up. Time to go back to Whole Foods and see what kind of healthy munchies I can find. Speaking of Whole Foods, I need to get back there in the mornings and pick up my salad for lunch. It really worked out well when I did that - lunch time around there is chaotic, but the place is empty at 8:15. And their salad bar is to die for!

3. Writing - I have joined a new writing comm under my writing journal. They have weekly and monthly contests with writing prompts. This will not be used to work on any of my current stories (unless the prompt seems to go with it). This will be to help keep the creative juices flowing. And seriously, is it any coincidence that the name of the comm is brigits_flame? I think not. I would like to spend right around an hour a day on my writing, even if I think that it is sheer, unmitigated crap. This is to get me disciplinely (is that a word? it is now!) in shape for NaNoWriMo in a couple months.

4. Spiritual-ness - I flame keep on the 10th-11th this week, which should work well. I think I've figured out a way to do so at work without actually having a candle. This isn't weekly specific, but I'm also going to make more of an effort to go to the local Pagan activities. I don't know why I don't go. Oh, yes I do. It's because I'm painfully, horribly shy. It's stupid. I've gone twice and enjoyed myself both times. I know a couple of the people there, so it's not like I'm walking into something blind. They're having a Mabon ritual on 9/25. I. Am. Going. 'Nuff said.

5. Vlogging - I've been giving serious consideration to doing a book review vlog. I'm already part of a collab vlog, which is good, but not the best. Don't get me wrong, I like my fellow vloggers. But they are a bit younger than me, so we don't have much in common. I've been thinking about leaving the vlog and starting my own, talking about the books I've read or have been reading. This has been kicking around my head for a while now. Would any of you guys watch me? :)

I think that's it. Now I need to get my act together and start working!

Still a lot of issues going on, but mostly things are better. The church issue is resolved. Not entirely to my liking, but good enough. Boo is going to church and I'm going with her. That way I know what she's hearing and can talk to her about it. Mostly she's singing and coloring pictures. Nothing to worry about. The main thing that worries me is if she really starts buying into everything just because all the other kids around her are into it. The same thing she will deal with at school, I guess. As long as I keep talking to her and explaining things, I guess we'll be alright. And I don't really mind going to church too much. It's been nice seeing some of the friends I have there. BabyDaddy is coming as well and then he and Boo go off for the rest of the day. The first time we went (a week ago), lots of people came up to me and said they were glad to see me, had missed me, etc. But not one person did that with BabyDaddy. They all know him. He used to go there. But they were definitely not welcoming to him. Not like they were to me. Am I a bad person for enjoying that? If so, then so be it.

Work is much, much better. I'm working back on the trust account again, but the new accountant lady started and has taken over leadership of the project. I definitely don't mind helping, but I didn't understand enough to be put in charge of it. Now that I have more diffinitive direction, things are a lot better.

Still trying to write - I wrote a bit yesterday and today. I'll try to update aphys_pen tonight or tomorrow. If you haven't yet, please go over there and friend me. I need all the feedback I can get. There's a very short excerpt there right now, with much more on the way.

He took her to church. And bragged about lying to me on his Facebook. Classy, eh? Should've known. He promised that he wouldn't, which is code for he absolutely would.

I'm so conflicted about things right now, it's not even funny. Wish I could call Mom, only it's way too late. If she's smart, she's asleep right now. I can talk to her tomorrow, but it won't make me feel better now. Truth be told, she may not have any advice to give.

Damn it, I really hate him right now. We were doing fine until he brought all this up.

At least I've been productive today. So that's something. Trying to focus on the good.

I'm really tired though. Had an argument with my ex about Boo. He wants her to go to his church. I don't think it's a good idea. I told him this, and yet he still showed up, bringing a cute little dress for her, and said he was taking her. Um, no. He's not. Even despite my feelings about the church, I don't want HIM taking her. If she goes back to church, it will either be with me or with my mom. End of story. Especially when the only reason he wants to take her is to show her off and make himself look like a good dad.

For all I know, he changed her into the dress and took her anyway, despite my protests. I'll find out tomorrow. Boo will tell me what they did and even if she doesn't, I know people who go to his church. They'll tell me if Boo was there.

Deep cleansing breath in. Nothing else I can do at this point. Even if I wish I could move away, far away, where she would be away from his selfish ass.

On to more positive things, I made my first post on aphys_pen. I encourage all my lovely LJ friends to go and check it out.

. . . but at least it ended fairly well. Thursday was the worst day of all. Still working on the audit, and then told by the owners of the company that they expected me to be done in two weeks. Yeah, that's not going to happen. I have two years worth of this crap to shuffle through. But luckily I got to explain that to them on Friday and they listened. So no more rushed deadline. That makes me feel much better.

I'm flame keeping tonight and tomorrow, hoping to both get some housework done and maybe even some writing. To that end, I've started another journal to hold all of my writing stuff - aphys_pen. I'm keeping it friends only, for obvious reasons, so let me know if you want to see it. I love hearing back from people who read my stuff - it keeps me going. I'll try to actually do a writing update tomorrow.

Good night, LJ land!

Work is still work. We have so much to do and such a limited time frame in which to do it. It's a bit daunting at times, but I'm going to do my best to get it done. That's all I can do, right?

Boo has been giving me headaches too - is it bad to not want your kid(s) around? Because she's driving me crazy. They both are. It doesn't help that I've been so tired. At least I'm not bringing work home at night this week. Will probably have to work Saturday though, at least for a little bit. I don't really mind. Whatever it takes to get this over with.

Still working on my outline. Or rather, I've stopped working on my outline because I'm so tired right now. I've got plans for about four or five chapters, and haven't even gotten to the really meat and drama of the story yet. So that's pretty good, I think. I'll work on it some more this week, or maybe on Sunday. Sunday will be quieter since we will only have one kid home that day.

I bought a new book for my trip - Forgotten New York by Kevin Walsh. It lists a bunch of old, historic, usually looked-over places in New York City. Really cool stuff, like the clock that's imbedded in the sidewalk on Broadway. I'm really looking forward to my trip. It's going to be so much fun.

Not much else is going on right now. Everything is work . . . veg . . . work . . . veg . . . Nothing very exciting unfortunately.

My stomach hasn't wanted to speak to me in the past few days. Meh. Not good. Hopefully it will feel better tomorrow.

Work is hectic, crazy, and completely insane. Case in point - the auditor is ready to walk out. A major undertaking is needed to fix all the problems we have (and trust me - there's a bunch) and as of right now, we can't do it. It's crazy. There's nothing I can do to help other than what I'm already doing. *sigh* Hopefully once this is fixed and fixed right, there won't be any more drama.

Or let's put it another way - there WON'T be anymore drama if I'm in charge of it. That's for damn sure.

Boo has been a handful lately, although she seems better today.

I've started outlining my next story idea. seeress_of_kell, I will post it as soon as I get further on it and you can let me know what you think. I'm still not exactly sure of the specifics, so I might need to pick your brain for suggestions. It's gotten a whole lot better since the last time we IM'ed though - thanks so very much! :) Let me know if I can return the favor.

I've added The Inheritor by Marion Zimmer Bradley and The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum to my list of books read. I just don't feel like reviewing them right now. They were both very good, that's all I'm going to say.

And now I must go re-heat my rice bag - it's the only thing helping me stay upright. Cheers LJ Land!

It always seems like when I want to get back into LJ, something comes along in the real world to totally kick my butt. This time, it was the job. Things are going well, for me at least. The audit has been taking it's toll on other people, but I don't mind the work. It's the kind of thing I enjoy, trying to fix problems and the like. Still, it's very tiring. I've been coming home with my head in a fog, usually with at least a little bit of a headache. But that will pass. I just need to get used to it. And get this audit stuff over with.

Another problem has been my total lack of creativity. Or rather, my lack of follow-through. I've been having lots of doubts as to whether or not I can actually be a writer. I'm a good writer. I've been told this by several people. My main problem is that, while I can come up with good ideas for stories, I can't come up with an ending to save my life. I have a good intro, a concept, and the beginnings of a plot . . . but that's it. That's as far as it goes.

If there are any volunteers out there to listen to some of my slightly kooky ideas and give me some feedback and/or advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

But otherwise, things are going well. Calmer in most respects, which is really all I can ask for at this point.

I haven't done anything productive at all today. Unless you count beating the Moria level on Lord of the Rings: Third Age. Last week was so eventful, it kicked my butt. I'm so tired! It's been good to just relax.

I did go out and buy a few things for my office at work. I'm going to set up a small elemental altar on my desk. Nothing too elaborate, just something to help me ground and center when I get overwhelmed or stressed. I have a small candle (which will probably never be lit, but still will work) for Fire and a reed diffuser for Air (which will help it smell a bit better in there - it's a little musty). I'm going to find two containers to put some earth and some water in. One of the craft stores had these little bottles with corks in them that I thought would work good for Water - that way it wouldn't evaporate, or at least, not very fast. Just about anything will work for Earth. It's not much, but I think it will add just the right feel to the place.

I'm getting a bit behind in my reading, so it's time to step it up a notch if I hope to reach 50 by the end of the year. Although, I haven't been counting re-reads, of which there's been a few. Oh well. Here's another one.

Book #24

Title: Atonement
Author: Ian McEwan
Genre: literary fiction, historical
Pages: 368

( Details and such . . . )

It's only been three days, but I am ready for the weekend! Work is good. Busy, but good. The audit is hard, mostly because everything happened before I got there and I can't really answer any questions. So I'm helping other people sort through stuff. Lots of stuff.

Lots of paper and so far, no paper cuts! Knock on wood!

Hubby is working really late tonight, so I might call Mom and see if she wants to do dinner.

A follow-up to the slightly cryptic last post.

I got a call this morning from my mom, who sounded very strange - excited, nervous, or something. She asks me whether or not I've checked my old email address lately. Which I hadn't. She tells me that Kay has been trying to get in touch with me. Kay, who was my boss at the lawfirm I used to work for before I went back to school.

Back up two months ago. When I first graduated, I emailed Kay to ask if they had any openings. I used my old email address, since I had changed my email when I got married (it had my old last name in it). A month went by and I hadn't heard from her, which led me to believe that A). I had her email address wrong, B). They just didn't have any openings, or C). Kay was still angry at me for the way things ended with me last time. I kept checking that email account, but never saw anything from Kay or anyone else from the firm. Eventually I stopped checking.

Kay emailed me on the 8th to let me know that they had an opening and wanted me for it. No strings. She emailed me again on the 10th to make sure I had gotten the message and letting me know that they needed someone really soon and would have to look for someone else if I didn't get back to them. Finally, this morning she called my mom (they sort of know each other) to see what had happened, since she knew that I always was prompt getting back to people.

So I called her. And I start on Wednesday. I could probably start tomorrow, but I need to arrange to get Boo back to the babysitters. Plus I need to buy some nice office clothes. The job is full-time, similar to what I did before, but a new system or something that I will need to be trained in.

I am beyond stunned. I have been literally shaking for most of the day. It doesn't help that I was flame keeping today and already in a bit of an altered state. Sort of. I still don't quite know how to describe it.

I didn't want to go back to work full-time initially. I wanted to spend more time with Boo, and for the most part, it's been wonderful being with her. But it's also brought up all the reasons I went back to work in the first place when she was a baby (besides the fact that her dad was out of work and doing zilch to find a new job). I have a hard time doing the stay-at-home parent thing. It's selfish, I know, but it's true. I do very good for short periods of time, but all day is really hard. She's not that demanding, but it's still a challenge. Plus, money was going to be getting extremely tight, particularly in December when I have to start paying back student loans.

I wanted to sign Boo up for dance or gymnastics and didn't have the money to do it. I wanted to buy things for her, or my step-son, or my husband, my mom, or for ME - but felt guilty everytime I did it because I didn't have a lot of money. This is a good job with a good, stable company that is paying me more than I could make anywhere else. I would be insane to give it up, especially in this economy. So my stay-at-home-ness has to be cut. In some ways, it's going to be a relief.

Now all I have to do is get used to getting up early again. Oh joy. Guess that means I ought to go to sleep now.

I got a job today. I start on Wednesday. More to follow.

To my dear friend anduril_phoenix. Hope you had a great day!



Myspace Graphics

I hate insomnia with a burning passion. It's been several days now, although last night was better. Ugh! There's no reason for this mess!

Mother-in-law visit is going well. She'll be here for two more days, leaving on Wednesday morning. The kids have really enjoyed having her here. It's been really cute. And it's been nice getting to know her a bit more.

Heading back to the gym this morning. I thought I would give Couch-to-5K a try again. I think I over stretched myself last time. This time I'm going to take it slower. We'll see how it goes.

I should've gotten more done yesterday. Oh well. That means I have to kick it into gear to get the house ready for her. I think I'm mostly ready, but I'll still stress about it. I've got a nice tidy list sitting next to me that I will be starting on as soon as I get off here. Which is now.

I guess I'm going to. It's a new tactic to get me off my ass and into the gym.

I absolutely hate my body in shorts. It highlights everything that I am self-conscious about with my figure - hips, legs, butt, you get the idea. But the way I'm thinking, if I make myself wear them, it will be more inspiration to eat right and to get to the gym. I might have to buy a few more pairs, but in the end I think it will be worth it.

I never mentioned here my reaction to the string of celebrity deaths that have happened lately. It's been surreal, hasn't it. These icons have been around for my entire life. It's depressing to think that I've reached that point in my life where people who cultural foundations are going to start dying off. I almost don't know how to feel about it.

So I've already been to the gym and later I will be going out to lunch with my mom. After that, I have to start cleaning for when my mother-in-law gets here. I have three days to get ready, two of which Boo will be off with other people. Plenty of time.